And That's When Shit Got Real

So anyways, I'm back. Where was I? Well, that's a long and interesting story wrought with peril, romance and high adventure. Unfortunately, the previous statement is a total lie. I've been sitting around like an old piece of bric-a-brac, collecting dust and serving little purpose other than obtrusive conversation starter. "Hey, what's that on your couch", a visitor of my house may ask, to which Laura would reply, "Ugh, don't ask." Come to think of it, that's not much of a conversation either, which leads me to conclude that;

I SERVE NO PURPOSE!!!

It's not all bad, Fridgeheads. The extra down time has given me a lot of time to practice Ukulele and learn at least 3 more chords. Yes, no longer will C Chord alone bear the wrath of my horrible playing. F, Gm, Am are all now on the fretted torture slab ready to be plucked painfully with my less than dextrous fingers. Take that, official instrument of Hawaii! I've also had a lot of time to think. And we all know that when I start introspectively thinking, there's absolutely no good that can come of it.

That being said, come the start of next year, I'm moving back up north to spend more time with my family. Laura's dating again and it's getting serious. I'm happy for her, but in a way it's bittersweet. Slowly but surely, I'm being edged out. Laura's creating a new family with her new beau, and allowing him to spend time with our daughter. He's got a daughter of his own, so they all get along famously. She's taken a shine to the new arrangement, and though it saddens me, we've always talked about what would happen in a situation like this. So, it's not like a quick shot in the nuts from behind, it's more of a slowly applied powersander to the groin, with the applicant of said sander telling you their plans and making eye contact as they place it gently to your tender vittles.

Come to think of it, that sounds infinitely worse.

Recently, I got a phone call from my Mom. She and my dad have split up, they lost their house due to my Dad's awesome stock market playing skeeeels and my sister, one of the few members of my family that I actually like, has taken ill. It's depressing and a wake up call. I don't know if anyone else does this, but I tend to compartmentalize relationships. It's like, I have my family, right? And I put them in a box. It's a tight, secure box, to be sure, all water proofed and whatnot. But that box goes into a closet and other shit gets stacked on top. Bills, failed relationships, job opportunities, pipe dreams, dreams about pipes and so on and so forth... Then finally, one day I open the closet and see a dusty old box, I open it up and lo and behold.

"Oh, wait... That's right, THOSE people."

It's time to stop doing that. It makes people think that I legitimately don't care about them, which is just not true. I DO care, really I do... Sometimes, I care enough to stay out of their business. We all know that I've got a bad track record with interpersonal relationships. Take for example, my most recent EX, after Laura.

Seemed nice, "physical relations" were nominally fair(That's right, if you're reading this, babe... "Nominally fair", that's ALL you're getting), we seemed to get along. Then, because I wasn't spending enough time with her... BAM!!! She fakes CANCER! No joke, she actually faked having cervical cancer just to mess with me. So, I try to do the right thing because at this point I actually believe her, You know... Because who would LIE about that? I try to make some light hearted jokes to create a sense of levity. They don't go over well at all (See blog # 1 for my history in situations like this). I break down, apologize, treat her like GOLD... Then one day I go into the bathroom and see a Doctor's note tucked clandestinely behind the toilet. Being the nosy jerk that I am, I open it and to my surprise, her condition has been upgraded from terminal cancer patient...

To sufferer of Yeast Infection.

I left like 20 minutes later.

She lives 45 minutes away.

And I have no car.

Still, I was singing the whole time. Because, she had honestly convinced me over those few months that I was a bad person. But, at that moment, I knew the truth. I'm actually a pretty ok guy... SHE was just a crazy bitch... Who I'd later learned was cheating on me the whole time with multiple partners. None of whom had any idea about her life threatening cancer. So, I alone got to hear that story. Lucky ME!!! HUZZAH!! Is it weird to feel even a small bit of intimacy there? Like, yes... She may have done the ol' 23 Skidoo with all those other guys. But, the lie of her cancer was just for me.

Cue reflective music from Scrubs and pull a closeup on the single tear that's rolling down my face. What, no tears? Eh, we'll just edit it in in post.

You're probably wondering if there's a point to this whole massive diatribe and where all the zany pictures and hokey videos are. There are no visual effects this time, but there is a point. The same point I realized on that long walk home from "Private Cancer, Cancer for Money"'s house. I'm a decent guy. And as such, I should start acting like it. That means, making time for my daughter, my family and not to sound like an ass, Myself. This next 8 months are going to be all about achieving goals and making the most of my time in Pennsylvania. It's gonna' be a long hard, journey. I'm gonna' fuck up every so often. I'm gonna' get down on myself. I'm gonna' stumble and scrape my knee. But, in the end I'm gonna' get up and keep going.

My daughter likes to watch that ol' Pixar flick "Finding Nemo". She loves to run around the house imitating Dory, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming". Right now, I'm broke, have no job, no car and no prospects. I'm not just in deep shit... I'm in a freaking river of it. But, today I'm vowing to keep my head above the current, keep my eye on the shore...

And to just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming.

Thank you for your time.